Because That's the Way I Am...
2003-08-29 | 9:44 a.m.

I miss being in the hostel. Despite not getting much sleep with people roaming in the room after a booze-filled night at the Royal, and fleeing at just an ungodly hour, prepping for their 6:00am flight to Los Angeles... Despite the scummy bathroom tiles and the likelihood of getting some sort of foot disease... Despite the snoring, despite the raunchy odour of hiking boot clad tootsies permeating the entire dorm... I will miss it all.

But at the same time I also felt like I was being left behind all the time, and that it was nearly impossible to meet a person to have as a friend for keeps. "Hi! I'm X! I'm from X!" "Well you're fun X!" "Yes, but I'm leaving tomorrow!"

Shoulders slump downwards.

I'm really looking forward to that good ol' community feeling. That "I'll give you a call tomorrow so we can have some brunch and watch a matinee screening of ____ at Fifth Avenue. Sound good?" Yes. Sounds very good.

I moved in yesterday and I think, in the entire day of moving and trying to arrange my belongings, I had all of two hours of silence, those being the two hours between the roommate leaving and my head hitting the pillow. Mind you, those two hours were, themselves, not of a stress-free affair, given I had a throbbing migraine, no likely due to the barrage of talking infinitum.

She's a wonderful girl, very very interesting, but has a lot to say.

At the end of the day she paused and said, "I'm sorry I'm talking your ear off; I don't normally do this, it's just that you're so laidback and quiet that I feel I can tell you everything!"

This is true. In this case. It totally depends on the person, and I find that I work best with people who have instant enthusiastic reactions to what I say. I work well with people who are more of the responding type, in which case the conversations seem more balanced. I find that if I don't get a positive response in the first go-around, I feel as though I have nothing to contribute and, essentially, don't bother trying. And then I resort to commenting on whatever other people say, I ask questions. I ask tonnes of questions. But that's the way I am with some people.

And I also am hardpressed to bring up topics of my interest with some people lest their eyes glaze over with boredom. Just like those freaks who go on a two week vacation and weld you to their couch to listen to every story for every single one of their ten-thousand strong pictures, people simply don't care unless they have a personal stake in the story. So most of the time, a lot of the people who know me don't really know what my favourite music is, what sorts of movies I actually watch, what my passions are... unless they share the same passions, of course. This probably isn't a good thing because I'm closing the doors on a lot of potential soul mates, but usually you can tell. That's the way I am.

It's weird how some people can regard you as a complete extrovert and yappy pappy, yet others think you're the most quiet person in the world. And it's not a case of being two different people; I react to the situation. And I like to observe. Which seems kinda creepy in a way, a person just being the ears of a conversation and making random comments here and there. But that's the way I am with some people.

I have been thinking about the waiter at the Greek restaurant! Not in a sexual way because I am pretty sure he is gay, but in a "I want to hang out with you because you have a good positive vibe" sort of way. I keep passing the front, hoping he's out there pruning the plants, hoping to spew out, "Hola Ivan! Como estas?!" in a casual friendly sort of manner. And I will ask him to help me with my Spanish because it is absolutely deplorable right now. And as Victoria was concerned, I wish I could easily just say "Hey! Let's be friends!" after one meeting and then go ahead with the friendship routine. I would love it if it was easier to say without people getting the wrong picture and thinking you're too forward or clingy.

Anyone from Vancouver who wants to hang out with a new girl? I'm ready for this community building sort of thing. Let me know you're out there. I will be your friend!

Because that's the way I am with people.

And I feel fine....... - 2004-02-23
Eat Your Cake Too - 2004-02-17
Keeping the clouds away - 2004-02-10
Body Rock Y'all - 2004-02-05
You Can Have It All - 2004-01-29