Wandering Blues
2003-08-08 | 8:41 p.m.
It is a Friday night. And I have no interest in stepping out of this apartment or even getting my arse off this chair. You can't make me.

I've been like this for the past week and a half: unmotivated, disinterested and hoping for time to fast forward so I can simply move on with the next step of my life. Though the week and a half has been peppered with some mentally stimulating times (my soirees with Hezza and the sweet deadmedia being two of them), I am feeling as though I'm slipping into the world of hermitdom, never to be seen on the vacant roads of Calgary again until I'm ready to nestle my buttocks in a bus or plane seat next Friday.

I get this way whenever I am ready to leave a place. You'd think it'd be the opposite way, wanting to take advantage of everything a place offers before departure, but this time my actions seem more valid due to my anxiety: this is one of the first times where I'm not actually in control of my life.

In seven days, I am out of this one horse town! In seven days, my life will go in one of two directions. And it is grating on my nerves that my life is on the whim of a single person's decision.

Apparently I will have the answer by Monday. To what degree I should trust this arbitrary date, I'm not sure, considering it was initially slated for the 21st of July, then the 28th, then this past week, and now Monday. At this point, I don't care if I get the internship or not. I just want to know where my life is headed and what I should be getting excited about.

I went to the Taste of Calgary this afternoon and for $9 gobbled down a variety of tantalizing treats to cheer myself up. Food almost always works miracles. I started off with some jambalaya, but it was prepared with disgusting parboiled rice, which almost made me want to throw in the towel and end life as it stood right there at that moment, but I plugged on with the food fiesta and followed it with a Mongolian beef wrap (delicious, like an Asian taco), a dutch blueberry pancake and this amazing Greek dessert called a bougatsa, if I remember correctly. Delicious rich creamy custard in a phyllo pastry casing. Bwoar! I was so enraptured by the little Greek triangle that I almost collapsed out of pure orgasmic joy. I managed to recompose myself and managed to walk myself out of the fiesta, whilst patting the streams of sweat spilling above my brow. Amazing. I was on a cloud for about half an hour and then almost immediately my emotions spiralled downward again.

I guess what makes the departure worse in a way is that in the past week, someone at work just piped up, out of the blue, "You know, you're a hoot to hang out with!" To which I responded with mutual praise and then realized I probably wouldn't be seeing her ever again in my life.

And I feel fine....... - 2004-02-23
Eat Your Cake Too - 2004-02-17
Keeping the clouds away - 2004-02-10
Body Rock Y'all - 2004-02-05
You Can Have It All - 2004-01-29